"Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.”
I have been seeking counsel from a lot of different people in my life. For those that are not aware, I do not usually ask people for help (with the exception of those who I am very close to and know me so well that I know they love me no matter what my faults are-hey, as I have said before I am a lot more insecure than I seem). I just have a hard time trusting people (not because of their flaws but because of mine). I allow myself to be there for many people but not let many people be there for me.
It’s exciting for me to open up to people and even though it’s hard, it’s sometimes refreshing to expose my vulnerabilities and allow people to love on me. Sometimes I think my road is so hard because I don’t allow people to do that. Plus it blesses people to bless others. And I want nothing more than for other’s lives to be changed through my struggles.
The problem I have when seeking counsel from others is that often others don’t truly understand where I am coming from or may cause me to doubt what I am doing. Last night, conversation from a very few sweet friends got me very confused. These friends have been encouraging me to start doing what’s right for me (what’s easy) instead of what is actually right. Where their intentions were good, I’m not sure their advice was (for my unique circumstances).
This whole time I have been trying to focus on doing what’s right. Not just what’s right for me, but what’s right for everyone involved. The problem is that some of that, facilitating others to grow, is keeping me from moving on (continuing to grow). So is switching to doing what’s easy (which in my case will actually hurt others) the right thing if there is a chance that it might make things better for me? Where logically that might make sense, I mean who is going to take care of me if not me? But I just can’t see that being what God wants here.
I am having a hard time hearing God and knowing if what I am doing is right or what I am supposed to do. I have doubted if all of this is ok, for me and others. But I just can’t justify making choices that will affect so many other’s lives just based on my feelings alone. It is important to protect myself, but to what end? Where do you draw the line? God tells us that this life is about glorifying Him and loving others. I just don’t see how picking the easy path is doing either one.
As Jesus says in Matthew, many take the easy path, but it leads to destruction. Few find the narrow, hard path. Few walk the path that leads to true life.
Maybe for a while I need to be focusing on doing the right thing while protecting myself by not necessarily doing the nice thing. Maybe I need to continue facilitating growth in others, but not go out of my way to convince others (or myself) that I’m ok when I’m not.
Maybe a lot of my problem is the fact that I feel like I am supposed to be doing anything at all. Truth is, maybe I don’t hear God telling me what to do because right now, maybe not doing anything is the greatest step of faith I (a super control freak) can take.
If God wants to change my circumstance, if He wants things to be different, then they will. With or without me making those choices. A lot of my trust issue with God is my narrow belief that my choices make or break God’s will. But they don’t and scary as that is, I also thank God. I’m pretty sure I would make the wrong choice every time.