Thursday, October 7, 2010

I know You love me

Oh Lord You've searched me
You know my ways

Even when I fail You

I know You love me

Your holy presence
Surrounding me

In every season

I know You love me

I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee

Where Your blood was shed for me

There's no greater love than this

You have overcome the grave

Your Glory fills the highest place

What can separate me now?

You go before me

You shield my way

Your hand upholds me

I know You love me

You tore the veil

You made a way

When You said that it is done

And when the earth fades

falls from my eyes

You stand before me

I know You love me

I know You love me

-“At the Cross” by Hillsong United

I am astounded sometimes to be shown by God how much He loves me. His love is truly amazing. I know I spend most of my time caught up in me and what life has to offer me. Most times when that’s the case, God only “exists” to fulfill my needs. I have been thinking a lot about what I want, hoping everyday will be the day I get it. Devastated everyday when I don’t. It has been a constant struggle for me to accept that God is going to do what He wants, in His own time. That this is how He loves me.
You see, somewhere along the way I decided that what I have is mine, that I earned it and deserve it. That because of that I get to decide how to spend my money, my time, what kind of relationships I get to have, and what I do with my heart. Truth is EVERYTHING I have was given to me by God alone. My ability to make money, the time I have on this earth, and the friends, family, and even enemies in my path were put there purposefully. And this little heart of mine I have been struggling to decide what to do with, God gave it to me too. I struggle every day how to give pieces of those things to God, but truth is they aren’t mine to give, they already belong to Him.
In 1 Chronicles 29:12-15, David proclaims, “Wealth and honor come from you alone, for you rule over everything. Power and might are in your hand, and at your discretion people are made great and given strength. “O our God, we thank you and praise your glorious name! But who am I, and who are my people, that we could give anything to you? Everything we have has come from you, and we give you only what you first gave us! We are here for only a moment, visitors and strangers in the land as our ancestors were before us. Our days on earth are like a passing shadow, gone so soon without a trace.
I have been struggling with this idea of surrendering my heart. But I keep getting caught up in the belief that it’s mine to give to Him. Thankfully that’s not the case. It already belongs to Him. For some that’s a scary thought. For me it’s so reassuring. I’m not giving away my most precious possession never to be seen again. I’m just loosening my grip on the part of me He already owns, giving Him the ability to do something beautiful with it, with me.
God tells us to give willingly and generously to Him what He has given us. As my dad says, we can’t out give God. Having a generous heart is giving the recognition that all we have is from Christ. Giving willingly is understanding that you are giving God what was already His. Give with a whole heart. The people who really trust God give to Him generously. Trusting God means putting in EVRYTHING just as Jesus did, knowing God’s purpose would prevail no matter what. Holding back is the equivalent to telling God “I just don’t trust you enough.” I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of telling God that with my actions, tired of the rat race of trying to maintain hold of things that don’t belong to me in the first place.
Giving freely tells God, “I know You love me, I trust you with my everything.”
I mentioned before it is hard for me to have to keep waiting to get past this period of my life, ready to get what I want. Day after day has passed and still no result. But I can gladly say, I see God changing my heart very minute. Today I yet again fooled myself into thinking this would be “the day” things would turn, things would happen. Needless to say I was wrong. But that’s ok, because as usual, God had other things to teach me.
I felt God telling me, “If it doesn’t happen today, then it’s not right for today.” You see, God is in the business of preparing hearts. As my dad reminded me the other day, He doesn’t just throw us in, He builds us, teaching us along the way. Waiting gives Him the ability to lovingly form our hearts to be ready. He doesn’t let anything happen till it’s ready, till it’s the way He intended. That’s the way He loves us. I don’t know if that is reassuring to you, but it makes me want to drop to my knees. “There’s no greater love than this.” Than the Creator of the Universe carefully hand-crafting every moment. Be blessed by that my friends, there really is no love that can compare.

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