Living in my own Light

(Friday's Post)

 “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel unsure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

-- Marianne Williamson

I find myself doing this a lot. Being afraid to break away from the pack, afraid to run too far ahead. What if no one wants to be around me and be my friend if I’m walking too far ahead? What if I no longer have the want to be their friend if I do? It’s hard to attain growth when you feel like you are the only one looking to do so (and I am aware a lot of times, it just seems like you are the only one trying). Then there are the fears of chasing after the unattainable and failing. Or of the fear that there is no true balance in life, that you have to pick: good and holy or bad and fun. Let’s be honest. That’s how it seems sometimes (and in some situations the actual decision). 

I’m a pessimist. I have a tendency to just see the negative in situations. When we were doing our personality profiles a few months back I realized it’s a lot easier for me to pick out my own weaknesses than my strengths. That’s sadly just how I see myself. When I accomplish things (make things), all I see are the blemishes, the faults. It’s hard to grow when you look at life as half empty. A lot of times you just take the stance that you can’t overcome what you are trying to accomplish or get what you want, so what’s the point in even trying. I can’t even tell you how often this happens for me.

I have been thinking a lot lately about the fact that God not only thinks I have a lot more strength than I do, but what purpose He could have for me to need that strength. I mentioned to my dad yesterday that I have had no desire to live a particularly extraordinary life. I just want comfortable and contentment. I want to be successful in what I attempt and have people in my life that love me. That sounds really good to me. But the reality is, that’s not the kind of life we are called to live. We are called to live an extraordinary life.

God did not create me or anyone to be any less than the best that we can be. I am undermining His gifts (that He has gifted me with) if I don’t take the time to harness them and become the best version of myself that I can be. That is the path to finally learning to accept and love myself.

Comfort is a goal most of us strive for, but it’s one of the things God says we are pretty much guaranteed we can’t have (completely anyway). We become too complacent and, well, comfortable. We forget to grow. As I have mentioned before, God is revealing so many things to me about myself. I am getting more and more curious about what He has in store. Hope you are at a place where you are curious about what He has for you.